Thoughts of Love
by CeruleanAngel
Summary: The revised and renamed version of Love's True Thoughts. There have been major changes so I suggest you reread everything.
1. Prolouge

**Hi people. This is the revised version of Love's True Thought, now renamed Thought of Love. I think it's better and it will probably be longer and make more sense. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans, plain and simple. **

**I'm falling into memories of you and things we used to do  
Follow me there  
A beautiful somewhere  
A place that we can share  
Falling into memories of you and things we used to do  
**

**One Year, Six Months by YellowCard **

**On with the show...  
**

**Thought of Love**

**Prologue **

Starfire, Beast Boy, and Cyborg danced around the living room in celebration. They had done it. They had finally defeated Slade. It had taken days of consistent research and hours of brutal fighting, but they had managed to take their worst villain down. For good. Now the whole tower was filled with a rocking beat, and the three Titans danced about carefree. There was nothing that could bring them down. Until Robin walked into the room.

His expression was morbid and cold. He carried a rather large box under one arm and a small leather bound book was gripped tightly in his fingers. He turned off the music, but the others kept going, not caring that there might have been something larger outside of their bubbles of happiness. With a large boom Robin dropped the box, getting their attention. "We have to talk," his voice was stern, misery masked within his words.

With only a small grumble under their breaths, the three followed Robin's orders. "Where's Raven?" Cyborg commented, noticing for the first time her absence.

"This is about her?" Robin held up a small piece of folded paper and tossed it to him.

"What's this?" Cyborg asked.

Robin closed his eyes wishing this night wasn't happening, "A note, from Raven. Read it. Out loud," he added

"Whatever," the mechanical wonder said, as he unfolded the paper. The print was unmistakably Raven's. Some of the word's were smudged from small drops that covered the page. "_Dear Titans. I'm not sure how to begin something like this because in all honesty I never even considered writing one. I guess I should start with, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to tell you this in person. I'm sorry I had to ruin your celebration and I'm sorry I'm not able to tell you all the reasons for my actions. I'm sorry I have to leave_," Cyborg paused, looking to Robin for some kind of explanation, "Robin where's Raven?" Cyborg asked again.

"She left an hour after we returned from the mission. Keep reading," Robin demanded. His eyes were closed and a tear slid from under his mask.

"_I hope you guys understand that I had to do this in order to continue with life. I have to sort out the things in my heart, and, now that Slade is dead, I know you guys can make it without me_," Cyborg continued in a choked voice

"How does she expect us to make it without her?" Beast Boy's exasperated voice interrupted. He gripped his head trying to make the pain go away. He choked back the tears that threatened to spill as everyone looked at him, "She was an important part of this team. How does she expect us to make it without her around? We needed her not only to fight, but to live. How does she-"

"Cyborg, keep reading!" Robin yelled. Everyone knew the reasons for the desperate plea in his voice.

"_I will miss you guys always. Beast Boy, I've always believed you were funny even if I never laughed. I'm glad you never let me stop you from telling your jokes. In the box are keys to a moped. It's customized to suit you and it has a computer chip with AI capabilities. I built it with Cyborg, it was supposed to be for your birthday, but I think now is as good a time as any. I hope you don't mind, but I programed it to have my voice when it speaks to you. Just to keep you in check even though I'm not actually there. I think you'll get a kick out of it._"

"_Cyborg, you have always been like my older brother. You were always protecting me even when I didn't need it. I really did love working in the garage with you. You always said a looked miserable in there, but I was happy. Your gift is in the case_," Cyborg pulled a small CD case. In it was a golden DVD titled Titan Home Movies, "_It's a DVD containing a lot of Titan moments. I told you I used that video camera you got me. I hope you like it. I hope it makes you laugh when times get hard." _

"_Starfire. You were a great friend. I know I always said it got on my nerves, but I've always like explaining things to you, and I found ours talks on our different cultures enlightening. I even liked going to the mall with you. There's a scrapbook in the box, filled with memories of so many wonderful memories. I remember when you made me take those stupid photography classes. Thanks_."

Robin no longer heard Cyborg powerful, booming voice reading. Instead he heard Raven's. Not her normal monotone, but the voice she only used alone with him, one filled with emotion. "_Now for the last Titan. Robin, our great fearless leader. You are, by far, the hardest one to say good bye to. You were the best thing that ever happened to me. You were always there for me, from the beginning of the Titans until this morning when you dragged me out of bed to make me face the day. Thank you for not giving up on me, for finding the real me, and breaking down my walls. I owe you so much. It's strange, this feeling. Even after all this time, and after the many moments and the constant kisses, this feeling of complete love still remains fresh inside my heart. I never expected to feel this way about anyone, least of all you, so understand that I was scared, insecure for the first time in my life when we began this relationship, but even still these last few months with you have been more than I ever imagined. Maybe that's why this hurts so much. _

_"I must have told you a thousand and one times in these several weeks we've been together, but even still it feels inadequate to show the way I love you. I know you were always unsure about the way I felt about you, even if I told you that I could never love anyone more. The only thing I can hope will convince you that I have thought of only you for these last years, is my diary. Please read it, and know how much this hurts, saying good bye. Know that you were the only one. Know that I love you, and that I will be back within a year. _

_"I want to thank you all for everything you've ever done for me, both small and amazing. Thank you for every word, every moment, every memory. I wish I could let you in on all my secrets, but I can't. I wish I could describe how much this hurts, leaving you all now. I promise I'll return as soon as possible. I really meant it when I said that you were the only family I ever had.  
-Raven. _

The room was quiet for what seemed like an eternity. The silence seemed to make Robin's fury grow in intensity, and he said the line usually left for the former Titan, "I need to be alone."

Starfire quickly followed after him, despite his words. She had watched them, Raven and Robin as they slowly progressed from a budding new friendship into this unmatchable relationship of love, and she knew what must be ringing in Robin's mind. As they approached his room she made her presents known, "Robin, will you be okay?"

"No, Starfire," Robin said coldly, "I'm not okay. I thought that she trusted me with her feelings. I thought I knew her well enough for her to at least tell me her insecurities. I thought she understood exactly what I meant when I told her that I was there, that I cared, that I loved her."

"Robin," she was cut off my the whooshing of Robin's door.

"I just wish I had gotten through to her more," he whispered to himself, seeming to forget Starfire presence. The door to his room opened and Robin stepped inside, ignoring Starfire's remaining word. The leather book was still is his hand, and he looked down upon it with an intense hatred. "AHHHHH!" Robin yelled as he threw the book across the room. It slammed against the wall and fell open, but he didn't care. It seemed so impossible for him to care without her there. Why care if she didn't care? Why care if she wasn't there to know that he cared? Why care if he could no longer hold her in his arms at night?

The tears overwhelming his eyes forced him to take his mask, revealing two crystal blue eyes. He hadn't felt more alone since his parent's death. He could hear his heart's broken thuds each time he breathed. He wished, more than ever, that he could hug Raven just one last time, that he could have just one more moment with her, feel her lips pressed to his once more. Robin sat up and furiously wiped his tears from his eyes. Tears were weakness, and he wasn't weak.

It stuck out like a sore thumb, calling to him to look at just once more. Slowly, as if it would run away, he crossed the room. It's leathered cover was stained white, a simple everyday white...like the white of her cloak. Raven's insignia was embedded in the top right corner, the profile of a raven. Robin's finger traced around the emblem before he peaked inside the front cover. The pages were filled with Raven's neat curved handwriting. Suddenly, as if dawning on him for the first time, he realized that this was Raven's pure thought's straight from the source. And in that instant of realization, Robin became immersed in Raven's diary.

Author's notes: I hope you liked my new and improved prologue. Please review. It's what I live for.

Next Chapter: Entry #1

See ya!


	2. The Real Beginning

**Thanks for those reviews. I have nothing else to say. **

**Disclaimer: Guess what. In a mere 24 hours I managed to buy the Teen Titans. Yeah in my dreams. Seriously I don't own them. **

**On with the show... **

Thoughts of Love

The Real Beginning

_January 16, 2003 _

_I can't believe it. She asked him out. They're going on a date, like a real date. I guess I never really thought is would happen, like they would never actually rise above themselves to ask the other. Damn my foolishness. I've been so stupid. I should've just told him, instead of just blindly going about this like a lost puppy. I should have gotten over my damn pride. Now I'm doomed to spend the rest of my miserable life watching their blissful relationship from the sidelines. I hate this. I hate this feeling of not being able to stop them. Of not being able to control this emotion. I thought my stupid crush on Robin would have just evaporated by now, but all it's done is grown. Over the last two months I've had to constantly avert my thoughts from him, and all his stupid, endearing quarks; like the way his hair drops in front of his eyes when he doesn't use gel, or how his smile makes my heart melt. Oh God, I'm doing it again. I just can't help it. But the thing is, I have to help it because he and Star are dating, and he's happy. That's good. Right? I guess I just wish I had asked him first. _

That very night played through Robin's head as he read the first entry. He and Starfire had gone to the movies and dinner, for their first official date as an actual couple. They had a great time, and before they returned to the tower they shared their first kiss. But as Robin thought about now, he hadn't felt then what he felt each time he merely glimpsed at Raven.

_January 16, 2003 Post Date _

_When Star and Robin walked hand in hand into the living room, my heart broke. No, it ripped into shreds. It's strange. I spent all afternoon in a state of meditation, but with one look from Robin and his happiness in that moment I felt my power start to slip again, along with the few tears that had remained unshed. Even though it took all my will not to yell at her, I managed to last through Starfire's hour explanation about how wonderful Robin was. Like I don't already know that. Robin was what every girl in the entire world looked for in a guy. Honest, brave, caring, funny, handsome, charming, perfect. He was a knight in shining armor. The only problem is, I'm the ugly witch with the wart the size of Cleveland on her nose, and Starfire was his damsel in distress. Now, as I sit in the dark loneliness of my room, all I feel is sadness and depression gripping at my broken heart as I contemplate the bland loveless future I'm destined to have. _

Robin could feel the sorrow that Raven put into each and every word as he read through that entry again. There was a sharp pain in his heart. He had been so blind back in those days. To both her heart and his own.

**FLASHBACK**

Robin walked into the tower feeling like he was on top of the world. He held Starfire's warm hand in his, and a smirk of happiness escorted her smile of joy. A moment ago, before the doors of the tower were opened, before they stepped back into the warmth and protection of their home, the two Titans had shared something everyone had been anticipating for the last three month. He and Starfire had shared their first kiss, and they were now a couple.

The Titan's leader was floating on a proverbial cloud, and wasn't aware he was walking until Cyborg's voice interrupted his bliss. "Well, if it isn't the love birds. Enjoy your nice little kiss?"

Robin felt the heat rise in his face, from both embarrassment and anger. "You were watching?"

"Of course we were watching, dude," Beast Boy chimed in, "did you except to get privacy in this tower?"

Ignoring Beast Boy's question, Robin look past him to Raven who sat on the couch, immersed in her latest novel. "And what about you Raven? Did you spy on us too?" Robin asked, even knowing that wasn't, in any way, the kind of person Raven was.

Raven looked up from the page of her book, a frown set in her face. Her eyes locked with his, despite the mask. Something flashed through across her face for a moment, something that Robin assumed to be annoyance. "What you and your girlfriend do is none of my concern." Raven had tried just a bit too hard to conceal the emotion in her voice, and her words seemed to come out a little more cold than she had intended.

Robin opened his mouth to question her attitude, but Starfire rushed to the couch, not noticing or comprehending Raven's words. "Oh, but Raven you must know about my date. I have never been on something more fantastic. Tell me Raven, have you ever had the joy of having a boy insert his tongue into your mouth?"

Robin's eyes widened in horror as the other two male Titans began their fresh wave of laughter as they fell to the ground. Raven seemed surprisingly calm about the alien's change of topic, but Robin could have sworn he saw the slightest bit of pink tinting her pale cheeks. "No," Raven answered, her monotone still holding strong.

"Than I must describe it to you. Robin is very talented in this," Starfire said, excitedly clasping her hands around one of Raven's.

"I'm sure he is," Raven said, giving Robin a sad sort of look before Starfire dragged her through the door.

"Raven," Robin mumbled under his breath, before turning back to the Titans on the floor. "Get up," Robin demanded as he nudged the two chuckling teens.

**Author's notes-** That's a new part, and the only reason it is because the chapter would have way too short. It's still short, but not as bad. In an attempt to make this fanfiction last longer, I'm extended the content of Star's and Rob's relationship, even if it pains me.

Bye-bye people


	3. Stressing the Obvious

**This entire chapter is completely new. I hope you like it. As you can see most of my chapters are short. **

**On with the Show... **

**Thoughts of Love  
Stressing the Obvious **

_January 30th, 2003 _

_Well, they are officially a blissful couple. They are always together, constantly kissing and finishing each others sentences, even if Starfire is wrong half the time. They seem so in love, and the demented part about it is that I am actually happy for them, to a certain point at least. Robin deserves happiness, and Starfire has been pining over the Boy Wonder since the beginning. My crush on Robin and his new relationship with the Tameran princess do often clash. But I figured out that if I pretend that Robin is as worthy as Beast Boy, then it doesn't hurt as much. The only thing is that in my charade, I can sometimes seem like I'm ignoring Robin to the point of freezing him out, and despite the distraction of a girlfriend he still notices my extra coldness. He got mad at me today, when I ignored his question. It's just too much to bare, when I'm pulled out of my fictional world, only to realize the Robin is exactly who he's always been, and that once again I have affection for the man he is. My heart breaks all over again each time he talks to me, each time he acts as more than the boyfriend of Starfire. _

**FLASHBACK **

The coldest breeze of the night swept through Raven's hair, and goose bumps formed on her uncovered arms and legs. A shiver ran through her body, and tears gathered in her eyes. She fiercely wiped them as the door behind her opened. She could feel Robin presence even before he began to speak. "I don't want any company, if you don't mind."

"I do mind," Robin said aggressively as he stepped next to her. "What's up with you Raven? Why have you been so standoffish towards me lately?"

"I don't know you're talking about," Raven lied, turning out of Robin's gaze.

"Don't give that bullshit. You know exactly what I'm talking about. You haven't said so much as two word to me in he last two weeks." Robin said through gritted teeth.

"I don't know why you find this surprising, Boy Wonder. I don't say much at all. Why should I talk to you now, when I hardly did before?" Raven asked, turning back towards him with a glare.

"I know something's wrong, Raven. Every time you see me walk into a room, you walk out. When I say something to you, you look at me as if I'm no more to you than Beast Boy."

"Why should you be more to me than Beast Boy. Just another annoyance taking up my time," Raven spat coldly. Immediately she regretted what she said, but she with all her pride she would never take it back. She just studied his expression, as it changed from surprise to hurt and finally to retained anger.

"If that's what you feel, Raven, then I won't even try. I wouldn't want to bother you," Robin said before turning on his heel to retreat into the tower, leaving Raven to shiver in the wind alone.

**END FLASHBACK **

_February 3rd, 2003 _

_I am the worst person in the world. Period. I'm a complete and total bitch. Robin just tried to reach out to me, to become closer to me, and I basically told him to go fuck himself. He has spoken to me outside of mission instructions and even then his voice is distant and uncaring. I deserve it. I never imagined what my life would be like when Robin finally claimed his hatred for me, and although he never actually said the words, his silence is enough for to get the message. It hurts even more than watching him make out with Starfire on movie nights. I don't know if he'll ever talk to me again, if he'll ever see me as more than a teammate again. _

'The walls had been just a little bit more cold those days,' Robin thought to himself as he contemplated Raven's written words. He had been crushed by Raven's words that day up on the roof. He didn't know exactly why then, but those words had burned deeply into his heart. It took him nearly a year to figure out that he had fallen in love with the Gothic beauty. In reality it had been his feeling that had ended his relationship with Starfire, he had just blamed it on other things, having not actual identified his feelings at the time.

_February 12th, 2003 _

_I've decided that this burning jealousy is better than not have Robin in my life at all. That's right. I swallowed my own pride for what friendship Robin claimed we have. It was like with dry swallowing a pill the size of my big toe because I knew that in the end, I would be back where I was when Robin began dating Starfire. So nothing has gotten better. I'm just kind of stuck with my growing jealousy. _

**FLASHBACK **

Raven sighed one more time as she stepped up to Robin's door. Resignedly, Raven rapped on the metal and waited for a response. "I just hope Robin is alone in there," she mumbled.

The door opened with a swish, and Robin stood there looking morbid and tired. "What do you want Raven, after all I wouldn't want to waste your time," Robin bit harshly, his face hardening even more when he realized Raven's presence.

"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for treating you the way I did on the roof. I didn't mean it. I've just been stressed lately," Raven explained, hoping that Robin would except it as truth.

To her relief, Robin's face soften, and his mouth curled with worry instead of anger. "Are your emotions acting up?"

"Don't worry about it, Robin. It really doesn't matter. Just a small issue," Raven said turning away from him to head back to her room.

"You have a crush don't you," Robin said before she took a step in the other directions. Raven stopped waiting worriedly for him to continue, "It's Beast Boy right? You have a crush on him."

In spite of the small bubble of anger forming in her stomach, Raven smiled, "You couldn't be more wrong, Boy Blunder," Raven answered before walking away.

"You know, Raven," Robin called after her, "you can always talk to me." She raised a hand in the air to let him know she had heard, but she kept walking. A small feeling of accomplishment stirring in her.

**Author's Note: **I know it's short but I had to add it.

Later


	4. Maybe Something More

**Hi people. I appreciate all your reviews. I just don't have the time or attention span to acknowledge you all. I hope you like this chapter. I know it's kind of short, but I'll just post more chapters. Enjoy. **

**Disclaimer: Don't own them. Don't sue! **

**On with the show...**

**Thoughts of Love  
Maybe Something More **

_March 1, 2003 _

_Something bad happened. We thought we had killed him. I mean he fell into a pit of lava, for God's sake. How does someone survive from that? But he did. And this time his target was Robin's mind. Cyborg said it was a special hallucinogen that activated only in the dark, that it had all been fake. But the question of who set it all up still remains. I know that Slade must still be alive, even if we never really saw him. But the most important, life effecting thing to happen tonight was my mind meld with Robin. I went into his mind, and saw everything I wasn't supposed to. I feel so horrible. Robin's thoughts and emotions from tonight are still fresh in my mind and I feel guilty for finding out about Robin, even if it might have saved his life. I hope he's not mad at me. I was so scared. When I thought Robin might not survive past tonight, my heart fell into my stomach, and I struggled to keep the vomit out of my mouth. I don't know what I would have done if Robin hadn't lived. Oh God what is this feeling and why does it hurt so much. I don't what it is, but I know that it's more than a crush. Maybe it's- _

The writing stop so abruptly that Robin turned the page to see if it was continued. He sat back in his bed, leaning against the head rest. He remembered that night too well. He remembered what it was like to have Raven inside his mind, how an amazing warmth swept over the cold panic that had laid inside him.

**FLASHBACK**

Raven sat up in her bed, her head in her hands, and a leather bound book sitting next to her. She hugged her knees helplessly to her chest as a feeling of depression engulfed her mind. She was ripped away from her thoughts as a loud banging sounded through her room.

She stood cautiously, her eyes flickering black for a moment, before she opened her door. Robin stood there silently, wait impatiently, tapping his foot on the ground. He shoved her immediately back into her room, covering her mouth to muffle her protests. "Raven, be quite. I have to talk to you, and it's not easy to get privacy around here. So will you be quiet?"

Raven nodded, and Robin removed his hand. "Who the Hell do you think you are?" Raven said just a little too loudly. Robin sprang on her covering her mouth with his hand again and ended up tackling her to the ground

"Now Raven, do you promise to yell quietly at me, or am I just going to have to stay on top of you until someone finds us like this, and this whole thing is stretched out of proportion." Once again Raven nodded, and Robin sat up still sitting on the empath's legs. Raven still remained quiet waiting for Robin to continue. Robin stood up and offered his hand to Raven. Raven took it reluctantly, and Robin pulled her to her feet.

"What do you want, Robin?" Raven asked impatiently.

"Listen, Raven, what you saw in my mind today, do you mind not telling anyone? I haven't told anyone," Robin said as he sat on the edge of Raven's bed.

"Not even Starfire?" Raven questioned sitting back down, leaning against her head rest, her face disappearing in the darkness.

"Starfire would be sorry for me, and she wouldn't understand that I don't want sympathy," Robin explained, as he tried to see Raven through her veil of darkness.

"What do you want?" Raven asked, only vaguely aware that she was beginning to sound like a psychiatrist.

"I want...understanding. True understanding. Starfire couldn't give me that if I told her because she doesn't really understand what it's like to lose someone you love," Robin answered. Robin looked irritated for a moment and than said, "Raven would you come out the darkness?"

"What does it matter to you?" Raven asked.

"I can't see your face," Robin answered, still trying to find her.

"So, I thought it would better if you couldn't see my face," Raven mumbled under her breath as she moved gracefully out of the darkness.

Robin looked horrified by Raven's words. "You really don't see it, do you?"

"See what?"

Robin took her hand in his. Raven starred at their conjoined hands as the naturally moved to intertwine their fingers. "That you're beautiful," he whispered under his breath, "it was nice talking to you Raven," he finished as he softly kissed the top of her hand. The spot from his lips still burned in Raven's hand long after the door to her room closed.

**END FLASHBACK**

_March 8th, 2003 _

_I can feel his gaze on me in the back of my mind. He is always staring at me. I feel his eyes looking at me, burning a hole into my soul. Why does he look at me when he has Starfire sitting in his lap? I don't understand. Every time I look up to catch him in the act he averts his gaze. I feel as if he's reading me. As if my every thought and feeling is just another line in a novel. What's going through his mind? Is it possible that he feels-No he has Star. Does he know? Do they all know how I feel? Does Starfire hate me? Does Robin? My head is constantly spinning, and I can't stop it. Agh! My mind feels like it's going to implode at any minute. This 'crush' is still growing, and it's beginning to spin out of control. Every time I'm around him I feel my heart flutter and I can't focus. I've always been in control, but every second I'm around him, I feel that same control, the one 'I've always had,' slowly drifting out of my reach. And now he won't stop staring! Why won't he stop staring? I want to yell or scream or confront him, but my mind won't allow it. And to make things worse, I know in reality I don't want him to stop. I never want him to forget that I'm still here. A few weeks ago I thought that was inevitable, but now I'm not so sure._

That night with Raven, when they had talked so personally, Robin had realized for what must have been the first time how beautiful Raven truly was. The moonlight hit her face at just the right angle and she seemed to glow. Her eyes sparkled and reflected the stars in the sky. She was everything he had ever thought to be beautiful and after that night, he couldn't help but stare at that everlasting beauty.


	5. Torment

**Hi people thanks for the review. So anyway here's the newest chapter. **

**Disclaimer: Still don't own them. **

**On with the show... **

**Thoughts of Love  
Torment**

_March 18th, 2003 _

_  
It was in the papers for days. The name Slade had been written on a wall in a dark alley. The words had been spelled out in blood. Robin hasn't come out of his room since. He's locked himself in his room, trying to find that maniac. Starfire has tried many times and so has Cyborg and Beast Boy to talk him out of there. I guess that leaves me, but I don't think I can. I think that if I try I might end up spilling out my heart to him. And that can only lead to a disaster. What am I thinking? I have to try. He means so much to me, and he could be in a lot of pain. I have to try and reach out to him in any way I can. _

**FLASHBACK**  
Raven's door swished behind her as she walked across the hall to Robin's room. She took a deep breath. This could be the team's last hope to bring out their leader; she had to make this one count. Her knock resounded throughout Robin's room. There was a pause, and just as Raven turned to leave she heard a rustling from the other side.

"What?" Robin's voice was harsh, reflecting his exhaustion. He was so sick of Starfire trying to talk to him. How could she possibly know how he felt when she only looked at the happy side of life?

"Robin, it's Raven," she started.

Robin's gazed shifted from his ceiling to the door. "What do you want? Don't tell me you want me to come out too," his voice softening.

"No, I just want to talk. Please Robin just let me in," Raven answered her voice pleading with him. Nothing happened for a minute, but the door slid open just as she was about to give up. Robin stood in the doorway, looking miserable. He held out his hand signaling her to come in.

His room was surpassingly dark. Books and Newspapers were scattered everywhere along with miscellaneous clothing items. "Sit," Robin ordered.

"Thanks," she said a hint of sarcasm in her voice as she pushed aside the litter on his bed. She looked at him next to her on the bed, studying his mood. After a moment of silence she began once more, "Are you okay, Robin?"

"My worst enemy has all of sudden popped up out of nowhere, and the city is once again thrown into a desperate situation. What do you think?" Robin returned, a bite in his tone.

"I don't know what I think," Raven answered honestly as she laid back on Robin's bed, "but I know everyone's worried about you, and everyone misses you."

"Even you, the dark loner of the team?" Robin questioned as he laid beside her.

"Certain events have made it impossible for me to be as dark as I once was." Raven answered, choosing her words carefully, "Know that I have a reason for caring about you Robin...Star is-"

"I'm so sick of Starfire being hysterical over me," Robin interrupted as he jumped to his feet.

"Well, what do you expect? She's your girlfriend," Raven said, keeping the bitterness out of her voice.

His face soften again, shame etching in his features, "Yeah I know," he answered, his voice full of resentment, "But now that Slade is back I don't really have time for a girlfriend."

A silence arose between the two Titans. "Maybe I was never actually dark," Raven began as if she never heard Robin. Robin turned back to face the girl still sitting on his bed, "Maybe the loner that you and the rest of the team knew was just a facade. Just a mask, like the one you wear. And maybe for once in my life I've finally taken mine off, or at least I'm beginning to," Raven said, stepping towards the doorway. She turned to Robin and gave him one of her rare smile; once again the image of the glowing Raven from weeks ago swarmed in Robin's mind. Even after Raven had left the room, the image still lingered with him. And For the first time in what seemed like months, Robin slept peacefully.

**END FLASHBACK **

_March 31st, 2003 _

_Robin, why do you torment me like you do? Every day you manage to make my life just a little more complicated. On the rare occasions that you leave your room, the only one you ever pay attention to is me. You totally ignore everyone else. You haven't talked to Starfire in weeks, not even one word. I know because she told me. It was late, she came to my room crying; that was a painful discussion. Almost as painful as when she asked me to explain the mating rituals of Earthlings. It was hard for me to look her in eye, knowing that you only looked to me for comfort. She said she felt like she was losing you. I feel so horrible, like I betrayed her. I guess I am a worse friend than I thought. She would hate me if I told her how I felt about Robin. I think she is losing him. And I think she knows it too. It's ironic. For weeks I've wanted them to break up, but now that it's happening I wish I could help them stay together. I'm still worried about him. Even though he comes out of his room every once in a while he still locks himself away for days at a time. I haven't really spoken to him since that night. I have a feeling him and Star are going to have a fight. Now the question in my mind is: Should I be happy about it or not? _

During that time, before Raven talked to him, was the darkest he had ever felt. He was helpless and alone. Raven brought him back to reality. Ironically, she was his release to the darkness, but he still drowned himself in work. Leaving no time for anyone else. He had known Star was there, waiting for him, but he hadn't cared. He'd no longer wished to be her boyfriend, but he hadn't had the guts to tell her for the longest time.

_April 15th, 2003 _

_It happened. Everyone thought they would be together forever, but everyone was wrong. They broke up. Starfire's grief over Robin's seclusion turned into anger, and they had a big fight. I know because they had it in Robin's room, across from mine. I could hear Starfire yelling through half of the night. It was horrible, and now I'm at a loss. I still don't know what to do. Finally Robin has decided to lighten up on the Slade search, but now that he and Star have broken up he has no one to turn to. Would it be wrong of me to reach out to him, just a couple of days after they broke up? The team is suffering for their break up; we've have become divided. Starfire is always clinging to Beast Boy and Cyborg. So Robin's two best friends are never there for him, and he looks so miserable and alone. Maybe I should talk to him. It wasn't so bad last time, right? _

**FLASHBACK **

Robin sat on the couch staring mindlessly at the TV, not really aware of the cartoon monkey swinging from branch to branch. The others had left for the mall hours ago, but he didn't care. He was alone, and he could except that. Hanging his head in self denial, he fell into a small hole of self pity. Things would never be the same between Starfire and him, and he knew that. Their friendship would never go back to the way it was, and he didn't care at the moment.

Raven walked into the living room reading a book pressed to her nose as usual. Robin tried to resist, but his eye were drawn to the her like a magnet. Her beautiful violet eyes were delicately scanning the contents of the page.

Her book snapped shut, and she glared at Robin. He immediately averted his eyes, but it was obvious that he had been caught. Robin braced himself to be hit or told off or something. "Once," Raven began, "you told me that if I ever needed to I could talk to you.

"Yeah I remember that," Robin said, his first hint of a smile in days flashing across his face.

"Well, I just want to let you know that the same is true for you. If you ever need to talk, you know where my room is," Raven said as she left the room.

Robin sat there stunned for a brief moment before a small smile slowly crossed his lips. He stood and made his way to Raven's room very slowly. He knocked softly and said, "Hey Raven can we talked?"

"Sure, the door's open," he heard from inside the room. He stepped in as Raven stepped out of her closet. She sat on her bed and gestured for him to join her. "So what did you want to talk about?"

"I don't know. I guess everything," Robin answered and Raven rolled her eyes.

"Have you spoken to Starfire since you broke up?" Raven started hesitantly.

"No, not really, but I never expected things to be just go back to normal between us soon anyway. I mean we didn't have the best break up," Robin responded.

"Why did you guys break up anyway?" Raven asked.

Robin paused for a moment, thinking over his words carefully before answering, "She said that I wasn't paying much attention to her, that I cared about my work more than her and the team."

"And what about you? Why did you end it? Why didn't you fight for her?" Raven questioned further. She wanted him to open up to her, while he still felt able.

"Honestly I don't think I ever really felt anything other than affection for Star. There's been no love in our words in the last few weeks. Lately I just couldn't feel anything for her, even when I tried. I mean our first kiss was amazing, it was after all my first kiss, but after that I don't. The magic just faded," he was getting frustrated with himself again.

"Starfire was the first girl you kiss?" Raven questioned trying to hide a smile.

"Yeah, but that's not the point. Why are you smiling? No wait you're laughing. What's so funny?" Raven had been caught, chuckling to herself, "So I've only kissed one girl. How many guys have you kissed?" that question shut Raven up fast. So fast that Robin started laughing, "You mean you've never kissed anyone."

But Raven didn't laugh, or smile, her face stayed hard, almost angry. "My history with guys has never been the best. My father didn't even love me. In all honesty, the Titans are the only family I've ever had. Kind of sad isn't it," she whispered.

"Not really. I told you that night after our mind meld that I wanted understanding," Robin started. Raven looked up at him, as he took her hand in his, "Do you think you can give me that?"

"I can only give you friendship, Robin. Do you understand that?" Raven asked, taking her hand out of his.

"I wouldn't expect anything more," Robin answered.

"Than I'll give you understanding," Raven returned.

**Author's notes: **I hope you liked the chapter. Blah blah blah blah blah. Review and I might just update.


	6. Late Night Chats

**Hello people. I really don't feel like talking very much. Thanks for the reviews, sorry for the grammar stuff in the last chapter, and enjoy. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own them.  
**

**Thoughts of Love  
Late Night Chats**

_May 1st, 2003 _

_After that night things between Robin and I are completely different, but in a good way. There is this understanding between us that has strenghens our budding friendship. Every time I pass him he smiles like he always does, but now it means so much more. At least it does in my mind. I want to talk to him again. I just- (the writing abruptly stops.)_

**FLASHBACK **

Raven opened her door after storing her diary in it's rightful place under her pillow. On the other side of the steel door was Robin waiting patiently for her to answer. "Hey Ravey, I was wondering if you want to go on the roof and talk. There's a full moon out tonight and it looks beautiful," Robin added to seal the deal.

"Sure just let me get my cloak," Raven agreed wholeheartedly.

Robin had been very much right about the scene. The moonlight shined off the lake casting a glow on everything around them. Robin gazed upon the dark girl next to him. The moonlight gleamed off her pale skin making the glowing image of Raven fill his mind. Robin sat down on a giant hammock suspended three feet above the ground. "When did we get that?" asked Raven.

"A couple months ago. Now come join me," he requested as he laid down. Raven complied and laid next to him.

Robin sighed loudly. "What?" Raven questioned. Robin turned to look at her.

As he stared deeply into her eyes, he felt a smile grow on his lips, "I just never expected you to agree to come up here. Let alone lay next to me on a hammock."

Raven felt Robin's penetrating stare ripping mercilessly into her soul. Surely he must know. He must be able to tell that she... "What I said that night still remains Robin. I can't be anything more than a-" Raven said, her voice growing distant.

"I remember; I'm just happy you're out here. That's all, I promise. Well Ravey, oof," Robin gasped as Raven elbowed him in the side when he said her nickname, "I thought since we still don't know each other well enough, I thought it would be smart if we take turns telling stuff about ourselves. Like I come from an extremely large line of trapeze artists, for example," Robin said grinning at the stars above. He could sense Raven's surprise.

"That's really shouldn't surprise me. It explains how you can maneuver so well in the air. My turn, right Robby-Poo," Robin noticeably cringed at the pet name. "Well, it's good to start at the beginning, right? I was born in a place known as Azarath, where I was raised by monks."

"Monks, that's interesting, Ravey," Robin commented.

"You're never going to stop calling me that, are you?" Raven asked.

"Nope," Robin answer blunt, "anyway, let's see, my turn. Oh, even though I was raised in a circus I am deathly afraid of clowns."

"Clowns," Raven repeated skeptically, one of her thin eyebrows lifting questioningly.

"Yep, clowns," Robin confirmed.

"Oh wonderful, our fearless leader can be crippled by his phobia of clowns," Raven said, her dry humor making Robin laugh.

"Hey, don't mock me. They have those pasty white faces and freaky red noses. And have you seen how big their feet are? I am afraid of clowns, I admit it. Do you have a problem with that?" Raven nodded her head while she chuckled at Robin's pouting lower lip. "Hey, you're laughing?"

"Well, it's hard not to, when you're being such an idiot," Raven said in between breaths.

"Hey Raven, can you tell me what Azarath is like?" Robin asked, after a moment of silence.

"Azarath is the most beautiful place I've ever been. It's an amazing city sitting on top of a floating rock that's supported by the Azarthian's magic. There are building that tower as high as the sky scrapers from Earth, but they have this quality of elegance that the one's here don't. In the center lays the monastery where I grew up, it's one of the biggest buildings in the city. I used to fly to the roof on clear nights and look up at the stars. I would wonder what fate had in store for me. If everything that was meant to happen would happen. If there was any way to stop the inevitable," Raven said, as she looked up at the stars almost if she were back in Azarath.

"Do you miss it?" Robin asked.

"I used to. I used to wish that I could talk to the monks like I used to. I used to wish I could see my mother again, but after a while I started to see Earth as I saw Azarath. I've embrace this world, this city, this tower as my home. And I wouldn't leave it without a fight," Raven answered, as she turned to look at Robin. He was smiling at her like he always did.

"I'm glad you feel that way," Robin whispered. "I feel like that too. I miss my old home and life, but I know this the one place I'm needed right now."

They were quiet for a long time, and just when Robin was going to suggest calling it a night Raven sat up, looking down at Robin. Her gaze turned glassy and lifeless; completely opposite of the look she had a moment before. Robin's heart broke at the sorrow expressed through those beautiful eyes. "I'm afraid, Robin," she began, "I'm scared to death that I might do something more terrible than any criminal has ever done. I don't think I can stop this. My father," her voice dripped with hatred, and she didn't continue.

"Your father? But wasn't your father someone from Azarath? Like a monk or something," The concern in his voice was unbearable.

"Forget it," Raven said quickly, realizing she had gone to far. "It doesn't matter." She rose from the hammock, running quickly towards the door.

Robin jumped up, catching her wrist and pulling her against his chest, encircling her in his arms. "It must matter, or you would have never said anything. It's okay Raven to worry for the people you care about. It's okay, Raven, you can trust me."

"But I can't, not with this," Raven said, pushing away from him embrace.

"Why not?" He questioned, trying his best to reach towards her, only to be slapped away.

"Because I couldn't bare it if you hated me. I wouldn't be able to stand it if you looked at me for what I really am," Raven whispered, her fists clenched in frustration. "I just can't Robin," she yelled as she turned towards the door.

"What's the matter Raven?' Robin asked again.

Raven turned her head to look him in the eyes, "It's almost my birthday you know," she said before leaving Robin to stand there, confused and alone.

**Author's notes:** So did you like it? Sorry to disappoint some of you guys, but Raven isn't going to return in this story. Hint hint wink wink. Cough read first author's notes cough.

See Ya.


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